The Poverty of Unwelcome Guests

It is a little frustrating, but it isn’t necessarily the fault of others, for they are not clued in.Things are tough all around. We each have our own battles that we greet in the morning and see again in our dreams. One’s challenge may be someone else’s strength. We can bring our resources together, both physically tangible, as well as those traditions that are passed on, but only by word of mouth. 

Next week I have my surgical consultation. You see, I have a growth, about an inch in size, that is currently growing on my uterus. It is an unwelcome guest, and one that must be evicted. It looks like I will be having a hysteroscopy or hysterectomy, with the latter one hopefully leaving my ovaries for better hormone regulation. Both of these require quite a bit of rest, which is one thing I have struggled with for much of my life. It’s not that I feel like I keep busy to avoid sitting with my feelings. Trust me on that one. But rather, it comes from a place of guilt. Our society has brainwashed us into thinking that our worth is based on our productivity. But our productivity can vary greatly, and each one of us has strengths that can help us to complete certain tasks, while we find other aspects much more difficult and tedious. 

I have been unable to work for a few years. Aside from my two ghostwriting posts that I do per month (each are about 700 words), my health prevents me from completing many other tasks that would be associated with traditional jobs. My brain goes foggy due in part to my chronic pain conditions, as well as my medications. My hands don’t like to work all of the time, so typing can be difficult. I have TMJ that likes to flare up if I talk too much, so there goes speech to text options. My legs often become the party place for my blood to pool due to dysautonomia. They like to go numb too occasionally. I have not been able to wear socks for years, as the feeling of even the coziest, loosest pair feel constricting. That also means that I can’t wear shoes, aside from my pair of Birkenstock Arizona sandals, which I wear daily. Add in the fatigue, bloating, agonizing cramping, migraine headaches that have sent me to the emergency room...well, you get the picture. What type of traditional job would my current set of limitations allow me to complete?

I have been denied SSDI once, all the way to the top. We are working on a few other options, as my health seems to continue to change and decline. I do have some really good days though. But, those “good” days may mean that I am able to walk at least one of our dogs a few blocks in town. It may mean that I am able to go grocery shopping or wash my hair. Those are my “good” days. What do your “good” days look like?

There's an unwelcome guest in my body and it needs to go. Oh, and by the way, I have Venmo.

Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe! 💚