I am a Strong Being

I am a Strong Being

This morning’s affirmation is, again, so very timely! I swear it’s as if the universe is sending me little signals that I am getting close to being on the right track. For the full moon practice this week, I invoked the power of the Moon Goddesses. There is a lot going on in my life, many of which are out of my control. This can rile up my anxiety. Big. Time.

The reminder that I am a powerful being was also reinforced by the first song that came on my Pandora app. I often don’t care for remixes or covers of songs that I already like, but the one that came on this morning was one that I actually liked. It was a remix of...The Power by Snap. I mean, what other direct reminders do I need that I, that we, are powerful and strong?

This reminder is also timely in that I am meeting with a new primary care provider later today. After being gaslighted by doctors for over two DECADES, seeing new doctors can cause a ton of anxiety. The fear of not being believed. The fear of being dismissed. The fear of slipping through the cracks of our fractured health care system. My earliest memory of being dismissed by a doctor was when I was stationed in Boston and finally got the courage to tell my (male) doctor that I had been pooping blood. I had suffered with symptoms of IBS for years and when I finally got the gumption to tell a doctor, he asked if I was sure it wasn’t just my period. Two VERY different holes, sir. I was in my early 20s and, while I wasn’t a gynecologist or gastroenterologist, I knew from which hole I was bleeding.

A different doctor, a different state, same dismissal. This time, I was living in Las Cruces, NM and was seeing a new primary care provider at the VA clinic. I was listing my symptoms (this is pre fibromyalgia and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome diagnoses) and told her that my hands get really cold sometimes. I shit you not, the doctor leaned over, placed her hand on mine, and told me “my hands get cold too sometimes.” I am so glad that my now-fiance was with me during that appointment, as I am not sure people would believe me.

I ended up having to wait 18 months to see a rheumatologist, as my referrals kept “falling” through the system. But, once I did see a rheumatologist, it was another exercise in being gaslighted. He diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and said that my symptoms wouldn’t be progressive. He also told me that many of my symptoms would go away if I lost weight. I lost (and have kept off) over 100 pounds. My pain got worse. He never screened me for hypermobility and when he took a punch biopsy from my upper thigh, he chastised me because I cried. I wasn’t numb and he was taking a chunk of my skin, fat, and muscle out of my thigh. Again, I am glad that my now-fiance was with me, as I doubt anyone would believe it.

So, I will be going into today’s appointment strong and sure of myself, knowing that I am, indeed, a strong and powerful being. This strength will also help me as I prepare to embark on a few new projects come the beginning of 2020. I am strong. You are strong. We are strong. But, we are stronger TOGETHER. Let’s support one another and be the cheerleader we need to save society and the world. It is time that we take back the power that others have taken from us.